The Beginning of My Truth

photography of fall trees
Photo by Guillaume Meurice on

I’m currently at war with my spiritual self. I lack any sort of foundation that relies on faith. I am not involved with any religious organizations, nor do I pray.

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t craving a sense of belonging to something bigger than myself.

But where to look? Not entirely sure yet. When feelings of self-doubt and uncertainty enter my mind, I often turn to outside sources for instant gratification and self-validation. I’ve gained some pretty insightful knowledge by reading, exploring nature, and talking to others. But it isn’t enough, and I crave more.

Last night I attended an event that bridged psychic powers with our own self-intelligence. It sparked interest because the lecture felt realistic, and not based around stereotypes of psychic readings.

He lectured on the importance of intuition, trusting our body’s signals, and the connection that the universe is all one.

His near death experience shocked him into believing in the powers he possessed, as well as the mortal world he is part of.

I learned the idea of finding one’s truth is key to spirituality. Perhaps, I haven’t been ready for the process, for it seems daunting and requires effort.

I guess in a way, this is a start.

Seeking A New Me As I Turn 30

road landscape nature forest
Photo by veeterzy on

It’s a gloomy rainy day. As I look out the window, I can hear the pangs of the rain hitting the ground. For some, the rain ruins their plans, but for me – the rain soothes me. I guess it takes the pressure off of enjoying the day. I don’t need to make plans to go outside, and enjoy the sunshine. I just get to sit here for a few moments. In peace. In stillness.

The rain is getting harder now, but I don’t feel as serene as I’d hoped. I’m turning 30 in a few short days. I didn’t think I’d have any internal responses to it. It’s just another birthday. Another year I get to celebrate being alive. But somehow, I’ve allowed darkness to creep in.

It’s not uncommon for me to feel. Since I was young, I experienced fluxuating moods, energy shifts, and ever-changing attitudes. I always wanted an explanation for my emotions. And I also always wanted to change.

But here I am right in this very moment connecting to my past, being present, and fearing the future.

I want more fulfilment. I want my 30th year to be the year where I feel closer to myself. All parts.

This is my first official post. I’ve allowed myself the freedom to express what I feel in this very moment. I hope this blog will be an outlet, and perhaps inspire others. I don’t know. But for now I’m just allowing the now to be.

The rain seems to be slowing down.

Until next time.